JaxPoliticsOnline.com

Observations and musings on Jacksonville Politics

Peggy Noonan’s Predictions

We normally don’t venture into national politics on JaxPoliticsOnline.com, but I couldn’t help but share this piece from Wonkette.

Peggy Noonan does not simply sit in her Upper East Side apartment gulping whisky sours while breathlessly watching RedTube clips, her small nervous hands clutching her crucifix, and other things. No! She looks outside, sometimes. She long suspected something was a bit different out there — once, not so many months ago, she ventured out on foot. Things had changed. The bustle was gone, the Mexican was no longer handing out advertisements and then running, in terror, as Peggy Noonan yelled Reagan-esque platitudes and tried to … catch this Mexican. 

Wonkette is tripping out over Peggy’s Friday column where she gets caught up in making predictions.

In New York some signs of that future are obvious: fewer cars, less traffic, less of the old busy hum of the economic beehive. New York will, literally, get dimmer. Its magical bright-light nighttime skyline will glitter less as fewer companies inhabit the skyscrapers and put on the lights that make the city glow.

A prediction: By 2010 the mayor, in a variation on broken-window theory, will quietly enact a bright-light theory, demanding that developers leave the lights on whether there are tenants in the buildings or not, lest the world stand on a rise in New Jersey and get the impression no one’s here and nobody cares.

Lest one despair, Peggy’s first three martinis are only kicking in.  She goes on.

More predictions. The cities and suburbs of America are about to get rougher-looking. This will not be all bad. There will be a certain authenticity chic. Storefronts, pristine buildings—all will spend less on upkeep, and gleam less.

By the fifth martini, Peggy has hit her stride as she celebrates the day when she will be allowed to let herself go.

People will be allowed to grow old again. There will be a certain liberation in this. There will be fewer facelifts and browlifts, less Botox, less dyed hair among both men and women. They will look more like people used to look, before perfection came in. Middle-aged bodies will be thicker and softer, with more maternal and paternal give. There will be fewer gyms and fewer trainers, but more walking. Gym machines produced the pumped and cut look. They won’t be so affordable now.

Whatever happened to “a thousand points of light in a bright and peaceful sky?”  I suppose the martinis must have blurred them.

Advertisements

Filed under: Humor,

%d bloggers like this: